Can I Dump My Deadbeat Boyfriend and Maintain His Home?

Pricey Penny,

I’m not married however have been with my boyfriend for 16 years. Now we have two kids and a house that was bought seven years in the past in his identify. He’s very irresponsible along with his credit score and spending. 

A yr and a half in the past, he bought a meals truck, which he hasn’t operated. He’s been paying storage charges to park the truck for a yr. He later determined to open a meals truck restaurant and lounge about six months in the past. With that call made, he stop his full-time job to pursue his dream of being his personal boss. 

Shortly after he signed a lease and paid over $5,000 a month for an empty constructing, town advised him he can’t function the meals truck at that location with out including some options to the within of the constructing (the lounge). He has been fixing and renovating the constructing, which nonetheless doesn’t have a kitchen. He has not acquired approval from town to begin working the restaurant. I don’t see him being profitable with the restaurant because of the excessive value of hire and overhead bills that he can not afford. 

My essential drawback is that he has not made any try and work whereas the lounge is closed for renovation. He sleeps all day and after I get residence he expects me to cook dinner, clear, child him and full my research. 

All of the housing bills, together with the mortgage and utilities, are coated by me, which is turning into tense as I’m choosing up per diem work, in addition to looking for time to check.

I don’t assume I need to stay within the relationship. Is there any method that I can take over the mortgage on our residence because it’s in his identify? We tried to refinance the home a couple of yr in the past when the charges began dropping, however his credit score rating was within the low 500s in order that didn’t work. 

-T.

Pricey T.,

It feels like you might have three kids: two children plus a manchild. Not being on this relationship anymore feels like an excellent objective.

You don’t have any simple choices for maintaining the home except your boyfriend could be keen to switch the deed to you. That appears extremely unlikely right here, however on the off probability he agreed to it, you’d have to qualify with the lender based mostly by yourself credit score and earnings.

However there’s a vibrant aspect: Your identify isn’t on the mortgage, so your credit score rating received’t be affected in case you cease paying.


You don’t say whether or not you might have any financial savings. When you don’t, you might need to maintain off on formally breaking as much as give your self time to avoid wasting up for first and final month’s hire and a safety deposit on a brand new place. To liberate money, inform your boyfriend you’re now not making that mortgage fee.

What he can do is contact the lender about his choices. If he purchased a meals truck a yr and a half in the past, it’s exhausting to think about that the pandemic didn’t throw a wrench into his plans. If he skilled monetary hardship straight or not directly because of COVID-19 and his mortgage is federally backed — greater than half of mortgages within the U.S. are — he can nonetheless request forbearance.

The deadline to use if he has an FHA, VA or USDA mortgage is June 30. If his mortgage is backed by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac, there isn’t a deadline for requesting forbearance. Even when his mortgage isn’t backed by the federal government, he can nonetheless ask his lender about his choices. However he’s going to should be the one to kind this out, not you.

The state of affairs you’re in sounds enormously tense. I’ll be sincere: Navigating this breakup will most likely solely add to the short-term stress. However give attention to what you need your life to appear like in a yr or two. How a lot much less tense do you assume life will probably be when you’ve closed this chapter?

I get that it’s irritating to stroll away from this residence, particularly in case you’ve made loads of the mortgage funds. However that cash is gone, so don’t let it cloud your judgment going ahead. It’s clear that you really want out of this relationship. Take into account the cash you’ve spent a sacrifice you’re making in trade for a contemporary begin.

Robin Hartill is an authorized monetary planner and a senior author at The Penny Hoarder. Ship your difficult cash inquiries to [email protected].


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